January/February 2009

Planning Commissioner

The folks in the editorial office tell me that this issue is about planning. I'm taking their word for it, since they don't invite me to editorial meetings anymore. That might have something to do with the time that I showed up with my Giant Burrowing Cockroach (Macropanesthia rhinoceros) . . .

March/April 2009

Weather Warrior

As I write, the guy on the Weather Channel is warning us to stay indoors. “Don't go out unless you absolutely have to,” the earnest man says apocalyptically. The graphic at the bottom of the screen informs me that the actual temperature is 11 degrees F, the wind chill is 0 degrees. It is 2:52 p.m. Things will only get worse.

Bring. It. On. . . .

May/June 2009

Failure to Communicate

“Do you have geraniums?”

“Pelargonium or cranesbill?”

“Sorry?”

“Er, Pelargonium or cranesbill.”

“No, I'm not interested in birds. I want a geranium. Got any red ones?”